It's officially been 8 days since I gave up Facebook.

I feel more out of the loop than ever :(

I want to talk to people! A lot of the time, the only way I can communicate with my friends is FB! I'm not having withdrawl, but I sure do miss it!

As much as FB is supposed to make you feel worse about yourself, I'm really in for a cool status with lots of 'likes' and comments!

Don't get me wrong, I find other things to do with my time, but I almost feel like a hermit.

Reliability

I think being reliable is one of the most important part of a friendship, if people can count on you...

I know that I strive to be reliable and often it comes off as obsessive, something I have been dealing with for a number of years.

I'm always crushed when someone who I rely on let's me down...

I've heard the phrase "If you need anything, I'm here" more than I count, but the real test is what happens when you actually need them. Are they quick to sympathize or are you ignored?

Hmm...

The sun is shining, it's a brand new day.

"Look, today I am offering you life and prosperity, death and disaster."
Deuteronomy 30:15-20


^^ Daily Reading for today...

Reminder that we always have choices. There are few times in our lives where the only choice we had was death and disaster to ourselves. Agreed?

The verse goes on to say if YOU turn away, if YOU refuse to listen and if YOU let yourself fall under temptation then you will surely perish.

Don't blame God for the hardships that come with illegal drugs, bullying others, and being lazy. After all, if God seems far away, who moved?

Towards the end of the reading, we are asked to choose life.

The Gospel reading for today includes this from Luke, "Anyone who wants to save his life will lose it; but anyone who loses his life for my sake, will save it.

What benefit is it to anyone to win the whole world and forfeit or lose his very self?"


Reminds me of Toby Mac's "Lose My Soul".

Check it out.
Nap Time.

First Day.

First day without Facebook... I don't have withdrawl but I most definitely have the urge to go and see if I can figure out what Tracy changed my password to...

I suddenly realize what I ridiculous amount of time I spend on Facebook. For the next 3 hours that I will be doing homework, there is no outlet for me to waste time! I can't just click a button now and take a 20 minute break to look at someone's Winterfest pictures.
All I can do is straight out write this dang paper. Hmm!

I've also kind of figured out that you can, in fact, put someone out of your head. It IS possible to not be so consumed by one individual. I have not yet figured out a formula for doing so, but I will let you know when I do.


And now to write of 3 accomplished Victorian Age writers, musicians, and artists. Ugh.

Lent and Stress.

Lent:

Giving up Facebook. WOW. Never thought I would be doing this.
It seems like a good idea right now, I guess...

Easter isn't till April 4! That's over a WHOLE month without Facebook and I may in fact go crazy.


Stress:
It gets me ticked when kids complained about how stressed they are. Aren't you the one who signed up for all those committees? Aren't you the one who decided to take 3 AP classes? Aren't you the one who is picking fights with your boyfriend?

Yeah I'm stressed but it's my own fault because I'm the one who has failed to write my paper timely.


Lent AND Stress:
As much as I think Lent will bring about more stress (being disconnected from humanity and all), I also think it will alleviate me from a lot of the school stress. I will find myself with a lot more time and energy to focus on the upcoming AP exams and ACT.


Have a fabulous Fat Tuesday.

You know I'll always love you, but right now I just don't like you.

I wish people would acknowledge all that I do.

I wish people would acknowledge me at all!


Society encourages us to do things and not expect anything in return... and I don't. But when everyone around you gets lazy and you end up picking up after them, sometimes you wish you got a little more credit than a pass to your next class.
I guess it's a fight that I'm going to have to work for for the rest of my life. I may never win...

"For your treasures will be great heaven..."
Sure hope that this isn't a hoax, cause He's what I'm fighting for.

Sadness.

Peter Pan is over. For good this time.

I heard a lot of people say "I get my life back now!"... but what if this IS your life? What if this is one of those things you enjoy doing the most? What if you'd rather go to a thousand more long rehearsals than have to go home after school...

Yeah 6 hours of sleep sucks... and maybe you break out a little more than usual during the stretch of the musical. When you look back on your life, are those little things going to matter?

During this musical, I found that there was more drama backstage than on stage. Some people were close to ripping each other apart. Even I was a part of some drama...

BUT the great thing about it all was that when the last show came, no one cared. Conflict was resolved for a few hours and the cast was at peace. We were all just trying to soak in all of the people and everything that would become part of a memory we had to leave behind.

I heard a few people talking about the "theater high". Basically, during this "high" you are obsessed with every picture and inside joke and friend you made during the show for a few weeks after closing. You say, "we should hang out!" or "I miss you so much!"... then once this high dies down, you find yourself in the same place before the musical, almost as if it had never happened.

As true as this can be, I think that extra-curriculars like theater do a good job of expanding the horizons of the average teenager. You may not become best friends with anyone, but it creates a solid base that can be built upon over time.


I will come right out and say that at the beginning of the musical I had a very hard time judging people and I had already decided how I felt about them. I soon found myself wanting to know why I made these judgments so I stepped out of my comfort zone a little and found how great they actually were. Almost every judgement I made at the beginning, turned almost completely around by the end. I wish we could all do that more often.

I guess it's natural or us to be sad when something ends, but I don't necessarily think it's a good idea to sit around and mope about it when that is time you are wasting to be those people again.

No day but today

Last official practice with seniors ever.
Sad day.

I remember being a freshman and being so sad when the seniors left but now I'm a JUNIOR and these amazing people I've been with for 3 years are leaving... for good! :( I don't even want to believe it. It sucks.


I'm pretty exhausted but I had a great day and I'm in a dece mood. I know someone (^^^) has been looking out for me. Thank you.


I'm getting ready to go to sleep already, but I have a challenge for you: go buy some stickers and give them to people in your classes. It feels really good.

Dear Mom.

I don't know if you'll read this anytime soon, but this is the best way that I can explain myself to you.


Amanda came up to my room tonight and told me about this morning. I am guilty.
First of all, its not specifically that I don't want you around, but I feel like you are good in small doses. I really love having you there Saturday afternoons and I am very grateful that you work so hard for all the kids. To be honest, I feel like you wouldn't like being there all the time. You have enough going on and I can only imagine how being around obnoxious teenagers and constant questioning and stress would affect your mood. I was out of line when I said that I don't want you at the cast party. The more I think about it, I don't think it would be that bad. I guess, like everything else in my life, I like having things to myself. Ever since Amanda got into show biz, I've wanted something that was MY thing and for a while it was ballet. Like church, and the musical, and student council. It's hard for me to share credit when I rarely feel like I get any.
I think a big thing that affects how I treat others is my concerns about your trust in me and the pressure on me. I know I've tried to talk to you about this before. Let's take a look: I am part of the 10% at my school who don't swear, have sex, drink, smoke, do drugs, or make bad decisions in general. I have taken a total of 4 AP classes and my GPA is above 3.7. I'm on the swim team, student council, class government, national honor society, tutoring, peer ministry, and the musical. I feel like you don't realize how TOUGH that is on me?!?!? Yes it is all a choice, but I feel like every move I make you are judging me. I just feel like you are never proud of me.
I am so grateful that you take me everywhere and are involved with my things, but you always act like it's a chore and that you wish I would just sit around and do homework all day. But then if I get a C on a test or forget to clean my room, you make such a big deal out of it. How am I supposed to excel if I feel like I can never fail? For so long I hated having friend over or going anywhere because you always gave me the impression that you hated it.
None of this is making any sense...

I do appreciate you mom, more than you know, but sometimes I think the "feeling unappreciated" is mutual. You feel unappreciated because I'm not the kind of person Amanda is and I don't straight out confess my love. I think you know me well enough that I am introverted and just because I don't say it doesn't mean it's not there. I don't always watch what I say either.
On the other hand, I feel unappreciated because everything that you should be happy for me about is but a chore.

I'm sorry that I am overcommited.

The best part of my week was showing you the picture of my finished clock. Because I knew that I had done something worth being proud of.

I do all of the things I do to try and make you happy... every time I join something new I hope it makes you proud, but it doesn't always feel that way.

And it's not just you either... I don't feel appreciated or "wanted" by anyone lately. Not even Tracy.
My days have been kind of rough :( I know I've taken my frustration out on you.


Mom, I'm so sorry that it has come to this. I love you.


Thank you thank you thank you for just being there when I need you and sticking through my crap. Thank you for having enough faith in me to keep going.
Maybe why I have such a problem with people in my life because I don't want to be pushed away... For example, just when I think my B in AP Calc is good, Amanda comes home with an A.

I am not the same as Amanda, but just because I don't express things the way she does, doesn't mean they are not there. I'm sorry that I don't always do the right things. I'm sorry that it's not always easy for me to express my feelings....

I have been very rude and my actions have been unnecessary. I should respect you more no matter the circumstances. I'm sorry that I have failed you.

Please forgive me for everything that I have said or done. I want to work harder to improve our relationship but it may take a while. I'm sorry for everything and I am completely ashamed.