Tap on my window, knock on my door. I wanna make you feel beautiful.

I've been having a decent week. I have learned a lot. I've always been a believer that God would reveal all of his majesty to me in Heaven, but man, I have learned a lot this week about his plan for me, at least it seems so. I've learned that every action has a reaction. When Jeremiah says in the Bible that God knows you from before the womb and he knows every step and breath you take, he's not kidding! As I record the events that happen and the way I react to them, I notice a hidden and unique pattern. I've realized WHY certain things have happened in my life and how in result, it has all made me so much happier. And it's the best feeling the world to have a glimpse of God's glory.
It's been a busy week, and next week will be busy as well. Prom falls the weekend before AP tests and and although I'm excited for it, I'm going to missing out in a lot of potential study time. Luckily I have a few study sessions planned with friends and I've got 3 AP power packs, adding up to a total of 900+ flash cards. Ugh.

The school year is almost up, with a little over a month left for underclassman and a whopping 3 weeks for seniors. I will miss the seniors more than any of the previous classes and though I'm curious as to how God will make up for them not being in my life, I can already see the great things he will do.

I'm as bad as it can get, and good as it can be.

I realize it's been awhile, therefore I have decided to post again. If you look at the bottom of your screen, you can see a view counter of blog. This means there's been over 200 views of my blog! Wow!

While there seems to be nothing important going on in my life, everything important IS going on in my life!! Along with keeping up with friends, family, and the normal school routine. I have a grand total of THREE A.P. tests to take in the next 2 weeks... Last year I had one and it was one of the biggest pressures of my high school career. Next to having 3 times more tests to study for, I need to get a whole grade better on all three than I did on my test last year. Why couldn't these tests be on eating or sleeping instead of calculus, english literature, and u.s. government??
Along with the stress of school, my social life is also on the line. Prom is next weekend and little ol' Nicole has no date. Usually I'd be fine with this actualization, but this time around every upperclassman has a date, and I am not exaggerating. If only there were more 'single ladies'... then I would be fine with my loneliness.

At least I got a job. It's at a local farmer's market and I am happy to say that it will be a stable job which I know I will learn a lot from. I will finally have more than $4 in my wallet at a time...!

Though I feel like I have much to say, I am drawing a blank. I can't really process my thoughts right now, but I will be sure to update. Thanks plenty. :)

Ahh, I sometimes feel like I associate very much with Rachel Berry from Glee.

I have been meaning to write on this for a while now.

To start, Glee is back on again. (Yay Glee!) I love it so much because it has music, and music is basically emotions put into words. As cliche and repetitive as this sounds, music just always seems to say it right. If you watch Glee, you know that Rachel Berry is the OCD, extremely talented, self-absorbed, annoying, but completely amazing protagonist, also, the head female of the New Directions. I can't say that I'm extremely talented (or anywhere near it), but I do think of myself as OCD, annoying, and self-absorbed at times. Like Rachel, I tend to say my feelings the wrong way, in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Last night on Glee, Rachel sang a song to Finn, the somewhat stupid but great football star in New Directions, and the whole class explaining her feelings about Finn being a dumb boy. She also tells him off in the HALLWAY and is a total diva about it. Sounds like something I would do, doesn't it? Finn does realize that Rachel deeply cares about him and knows him better than he does, but after breaking up with his girlfriend who was impregnated by his best friend, he needs to figure out just exactly who he is too. And I guess what I've learned is that you just gotta let things fall into place. When people are lame and somewhat frustrating, you gotta have faith in them and if they are worth your trouble, they will come back. And as for all the horomone-licious girls out there who over analyze everything that has to do with boys, you just gotta let it go. Besides, high school relationships don't really last in the long run. You'll find someone just perfect for you eventually.

Ahh, and now to my trip to Micihigan Tech!
It was FABULOUS! It wasn't Panama City or anything, but I wouldn't trade it for anything (well, maybe London). Before I visited, I was convinced that I wanted to go there because I knew people that went there and it sounded good. Why I was SO excited about visiting was because I could finally decide for myself if it was the right choice for me. I was mostly nervous that I would be disappointed... after all, who wouldn't hate driving 20 hours to visit a frozen wasteland for nothing? BUT MTU completely blew it out of the water for me, and I don't want to look at any more colleges. Michigan Tech is perfect for me in so many ways and I cannot wait until the next time I can go back up there.
The campus is small, but intimate. You can walk form one end to the other in about 10 minutes. The student populations is 7,000, but it allows you to get to know people better. The setting is rustic and either cold or hot, but it provides lots of outdoor activities no matter what season. It's far away, but not too long to keep you away from home for 3 months. (And thank God for Skype). The boy/girl ratio is 3:1... what the heck, that's just fabulous. I really wanted a school that wasn't a slacker school. I like being surrounded by people who share the same aspirations as me. Plus, it's a ton of fun to make nerd jokes!

All in all, MTU was great and I wish I could've stayed longer. I applied for a scholarship program up there this summer, so I really hope I get in. It's too bad that I still have another year till I can go there officially, but it's a relief that I have found a college that fits me so early. :)

Let my life song sing to you!

It hailed yesterday. I don't think I've ever actually watched a hail storm, so I guess it was cool... though I couldn't watch a movie I rented do the loud panging on the windows. I even got off my butt for the first time this week yesterday and hung out with my friend Katie. Above you can see what $17 can buy you at Meijer. I sort of have an addiction to Meijer and I swear I could spend a million dollars there.
Easter was this past weekend! I hope you had a great day with your family, whatever you were doing. I spent the day at my grandma's house, eating, hunting for eggs, and sleeping! I even had an awesome heart-to-heart with my grandma.

So tomorrow I'm leaving for Michigan Tech. Despite just being a college visit, it is a huge deal to me. Maybe if it was just a day thing it would be different, but I'm going to be up there for 3 days! Plus, I'm going to legitly be spending the night in a college dorm which frightens me more than excites me. I'm going to document the whole thing, pictures and video, with my cute little point and shoot camera, and then when I get the chance I will reflect on the day's events with my web cam. I'm going to put it into a movie and hopefully upload it to Facebook and send it to family and friends. I will post a link when I finish it.

So I am excited but I am also very nervous! I just want to get there already... I'm not really feeling the 10 hour drive thing.

That's when I look at you...

Got my hair cut. Pretty nice.

Went to see The Last Song today! I thought it was good and teared up, but my friend who has read the book said it didn't follow the book at all. But I liked it! Beware, if you are not a fan of Miley, she might make you very irritated and anxious to leave.

Two of the above pictures I took while at the park this week. I had to miss a day of Digital Art for an appointment, so I made up what I missed by taking some pictures. Good?

Also, I'm sharing a pleasant picture of the top of my head. It's a result of a stress disorder that I have which causes me too pull at and pull out my hair. I have a very mild condition compared to others I've seen, but it's enough to get you down when you see what it looks like.

So tomorrow is Easter... we're having some friends over tonight and then tomorrow is church and my grandma's. Thank goodness we don't have school Monday! Though that doesn't mean I will be completely school or chore free. Ugh...

I got a 29 on my ACT! I'm not sure how... but I did feel like I did pretty good on it. My parents want me to take it again because I didn't do good enough on the math, I guess. But in my opinion, they should just be happy I did so good the first time around!

Have a great Easter and enjoy your SB... whenever it may be!

Calculus jokes make me laugh.

Only math nerds like me would understand the joke on the seemingly inappropriate t-shirt above. You may shake your head, but it makes perfect sense to me! And its HILARIOUS.

It's Holy Week and everyone is anticipating Spring Break. This past Sunday was my last weekend of CFF class, so we had a bonfire outside and it was a hit! I goofed around and put burnt marshmallow all over my face and hung out with Elle and she rocked 4 month old Magdalen to sleep! Elle is going down to Florida for the week and so I wrote her a note for every day she'll be gone! 23 faces total :)

I'm getting really excited for Holy Weekend! Hopefully I'll be able to get to church 4 days in a row this weekend, and really get into the mystery of God's love!

In about a week or so, I'm gonna be up at Michigan Tech to visit and I can't wait to document and share my experiences! I also just finished my application for a competitive scholarship program up there too! Cross your fingers!

Have a great Tuesday!

Give me a revelation, show me what to do!

I had the pleasure of going to Winter Jam with one of my best friends Ellery. Winter Jam is a HUGE concert with about 8 different big Christian bands. The cost was only $10 at the door and the only other money I had to spend was on food and a collection they had. I have to say it was a little awkward when we first got there... I mean, you're surrounded by thousands of Christians, some more "out there" than others. I guess I just had to get in the mood for praising Jesus.
It was SO much fun... one of the highlights of my friendship with Elle, I must say.
We danced and we sang and we fist-pumped and hair-shoke. Our seats were good enough for us... we could see everything! And we moved to the fifth row with about 5 songs left of the concert. It's great that these kind of concerts are offered. You know, to bring Christians together to praise God! It reminded me of the Steubenville Youth Conference I went on. Anyways, next winter you should definitely go if they come to your town.

I also had the pleasure of babysitting a new family this weekend! I haven't babysat in awhile so it was cool. It was a family of three boys: 1.5, 3.5, and 6. What a handful! They were the cutest things, but it was quite a challenge for me to put them to bed. Luke, the youngest, was fun to hang out with :) He can saw a few words like mommy and map (from Dora!) but otherwise I would have to figure out what he wanted and then he would shake his head yes or no. When he was getting his jammies on he would say "Mommy?" and I would say "She's at dinner!" and then he'd go, "Ohh!" and repeat for about 5 minutes! It was cute. I hope to go back soon :)

Last week before Spring Break. I'm looking forward to both for the next three weeks! Over Spring Break, I'm going to Michigan Tech for the weekend and spending sometime with student and getting a feel for the school. I also CANNOT wait for the Geneva Retreat the weekend after Spring Break. Whoot!

Have a fab rest of your weekend!

It's a great day to be alive!

Today was my last day of Student Council for this year. It's been crazy... the reaction I've gotten from my classmates about how inspirational I have become. I didn't really understand it until I read my validations and they were like a million times better than the ones I've gotten the last two years. There was a recurring theme of me influencing others to be their self, a strong faith, and doing so much in general. People also love my awkwardness and creepiness?! That's a first!

Like over the last 13 weeks, I have become SO close with many people who had just been acquaintances before the tri. I am so glad that I took the chance to get to know them all because it has totally been worth it. I really have seen a change in myself this tri - and a good one! Today was the best day I've had in weeks.

The most rewarding part of this all is that everything that I've been working toward for three years is finally paying off! Going into high school, I had two major goals in mind: to make my name known at Caledonia (for good things of course), and to be involved in as many lives as I can... I am so blessed to have all the friends I have from Student Council, my classes, the musical, swim team, and church. In the validations I got, some people started listing off all of the things I do (like NHS, church, SC, etc.) and even I was surprised to hear it all! I couldn't believe that I actually do that much!

For the first time in awhile I feel completely appreciated and important. I feel SO blessed. I feel so insanely loved.

Empty& Beautiful

EXAM WEEK.

The only real exam I have this week is in AP Calc (still a big deal!) but that doesn't mean I'm not busy. I've got an AP English project, an AP Gov test, Student Council validations, and an S.C. project! I'm sure I will be spending at least one night this week at Kava House prepping for it all. I'm really trying not to stress. I know it will all be done soon and I just gotta push through.

I also went on a retreat this weekend! It was my friend Ellery and I's fourth retreat together. At the beginning of the weekend I really did not want to be there, typical retreat story. I let go of my frustrations Saturday afternoon, though, and it all got better. Unfortunately with retreats comes a lack of sleep so I am beat tired, even though I probably got the most sleep of everyone there! I had a great time and it was such a good refresher before exams and a new tri. I also have greatly missed Ellery and I was so thankful to spend time with her!


"I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalms 139:14

Probably gonna write that on my bathroom mirror.


I just really love being Catholic and I can't wait to talk about it for my SC project! Whoot!

I hope you had a fulfilling weekend with whatever you did... start the week out good with God!

Greased Lightning!

How would you (my 2 or so frequent readers) feel if I added more pictures to this little shin-dig? You know, recent photos with some inspirational/thought-provoking comments? I don't always feel like I have a lot to say, but I think this would help me which will help you! (maybe...?)


I've had the pleasure of seeing TWO musicals this weekend! The first one I saw was 'Annie' that the Home Schoolers put on. It was so good! 'Annie' always brings such a great message and a lot of entertainment. It was awesome to see it again after so many years. Plus, my sister auditioned for 'Annie' today at Circle Theatre! She's very, very talented. It will be interesting to see what part she gets next year in our musical!

The second show I saw was 'Seussical: The Musical' at Byron Center HS. I love Seussical so much. You can always count on it to cheer you up. Some of my good friends had lead parts!


Everyone loves roses and lilies and daffodils... but there is something about artificially dyed flowers! They are so beautiful and my camera definitely captures them well! As cliche as photographing flowers is, it makes you feel pretty good inside.

"...Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart cause by you you you you you! Love is not a gadget, love is not a toy. When you find the one you love, they'll fill your heart with joy! If we could start anew, I wouldn't hesitate; I'd gladly take you back and tell the hands of faith... tears on my pillow, pain in my heart caused by you!"

Who doesn't love 'Grease'? I mean, come on. Who cares about the suggestions it makes towards giving into peer pressure and how the only way to be happy is to be tasteless and slutty? We love you Danny Zuko!


You ain't ever caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine ;)

I'm at the end of my rope...

My Life As Liz. MTV, Monday nights at 10:30.

I've kind of decided that I'm really not gonna try anymore... with the whole getting people to like me thing. Love is a two-way street and you gotta find someone who loves you for all of you.

If and when I get married, I know it will be to someone who loves me for the crappy parts as well as the good. His favorite part of me will be my obsessiveness and obnoxiousness. He won't let his own issues get in the way of our relationship, and he will be just as passionate for me as I am for him. Someday.

The hardest part for me is to be patient. And recognize when something is working out and when it isn't. I gotta stop putting all of myself into a faulty friendship.

The hardest part is letting go.

It's officially been 8 days since I gave up Facebook.

I feel more out of the loop than ever :(

I want to talk to people! A lot of the time, the only way I can communicate with my friends is FB! I'm not having withdrawl, but I sure do miss it!

As much as FB is supposed to make you feel worse about yourself, I'm really in for a cool status with lots of 'likes' and comments!

Don't get me wrong, I find other things to do with my time, but I almost feel like a hermit.

Reliability

I think being reliable is one of the most important part of a friendship, if people can count on you...

I know that I strive to be reliable and often it comes off as obsessive, something I have been dealing with for a number of years.

I'm always crushed when someone who I rely on let's me down...

I've heard the phrase "If you need anything, I'm here" more than I count, but the real test is what happens when you actually need them. Are they quick to sympathize or are you ignored?

Hmm...

The sun is shining, it's a brand new day.

"Look, today I am offering you life and prosperity, death and disaster."
Deuteronomy 30:15-20


^^ Daily Reading for today...

Reminder that we always have choices. There are few times in our lives where the only choice we had was death and disaster to ourselves. Agreed?

The verse goes on to say if YOU turn away, if YOU refuse to listen and if YOU let yourself fall under temptation then you will surely perish.

Don't blame God for the hardships that come with illegal drugs, bullying others, and being lazy. After all, if God seems far away, who moved?

Towards the end of the reading, we are asked to choose life.

The Gospel reading for today includes this from Luke, "Anyone who wants to save his life will lose it; but anyone who loses his life for my sake, will save it.

What benefit is it to anyone to win the whole world and forfeit or lose his very self?"


Reminds me of Toby Mac's "Lose My Soul".

Check it out.
Nap Time.

First Day.

First day without Facebook... I don't have withdrawl but I most definitely have the urge to go and see if I can figure out what Tracy changed my password to...

I suddenly realize what I ridiculous amount of time I spend on Facebook. For the next 3 hours that I will be doing homework, there is no outlet for me to waste time! I can't just click a button now and take a 20 minute break to look at someone's Winterfest pictures.
All I can do is straight out write this dang paper. Hmm!

I've also kind of figured out that you can, in fact, put someone out of your head. It IS possible to not be so consumed by one individual. I have not yet figured out a formula for doing so, but I will let you know when I do.


And now to write of 3 accomplished Victorian Age writers, musicians, and artists. Ugh.

Lent and Stress.

Lent:

Giving up Facebook. WOW. Never thought I would be doing this.
It seems like a good idea right now, I guess...

Easter isn't till April 4! That's over a WHOLE month without Facebook and I may in fact go crazy.


Stress:
It gets me ticked when kids complained about how stressed they are. Aren't you the one who signed up for all those committees? Aren't you the one who decided to take 3 AP classes? Aren't you the one who is picking fights with your boyfriend?

Yeah I'm stressed but it's my own fault because I'm the one who has failed to write my paper timely.


Lent AND Stress:
As much as I think Lent will bring about more stress (being disconnected from humanity and all), I also think it will alleviate me from a lot of the school stress. I will find myself with a lot more time and energy to focus on the upcoming AP exams and ACT.


Have a fabulous Fat Tuesday.

You know I'll always love you, but right now I just don't like you.

I wish people would acknowledge all that I do.

I wish people would acknowledge me at all!


Society encourages us to do things and not expect anything in return... and I don't. But when everyone around you gets lazy and you end up picking up after them, sometimes you wish you got a little more credit than a pass to your next class.
I guess it's a fight that I'm going to have to work for for the rest of my life. I may never win...

"For your treasures will be great heaven..."
Sure hope that this isn't a hoax, cause He's what I'm fighting for.

Sadness.

Peter Pan is over. For good this time.

I heard a lot of people say "I get my life back now!"... but what if this IS your life? What if this is one of those things you enjoy doing the most? What if you'd rather go to a thousand more long rehearsals than have to go home after school...

Yeah 6 hours of sleep sucks... and maybe you break out a little more than usual during the stretch of the musical. When you look back on your life, are those little things going to matter?

During this musical, I found that there was more drama backstage than on stage. Some people were close to ripping each other apart. Even I was a part of some drama...

BUT the great thing about it all was that when the last show came, no one cared. Conflict was resolved for a few hours and the cast was at peace. We were all just trying to soak in all of the people and everything that would become part of a memory we had to leave behind.

I heard a few people talking about the "theater high". Basically, during this "high" you are obsessed with every picture and inside joke and friend you made during the show for a few weeks after closing. You say, "we should hang out!" or "I miss you so much!"... then once this high dies down, you find yourself in the same place before the musical, almost as if it had never happened.

As true as this can be, I think that extra-curriculars like theater do a good job of expanding the horizons of the average teenager. You may not become best friends with anyone, but it creates a solid base that can be built upon over time.


I will come right out and say that at the beginning of the musical I had a very hard time judging people and I had already decided how I felt about them. I soon found myself wanting to know why I made these judgments so I stepped out of my comfort zone a little and found how great they actually were. Almost every judgement I made at the beginning, turned almost completely around by the end. I wish we could all do that more often.

I guess it's natural or us to be sad when something ends, but I don't necessarily think it's a good idea to sit around and mope about it when that is time you are wasting to be those people again.

No day but today

Last official practice with seniors ever.
Sad day.

I remember being a freshman and being so sad when the seniors left but now I'm a JUNIOR and these amazing people I've been with for 3 years are leaving... for good! :( I don't even want to believe it. It sucks.


I'm pretty exhausted but I had a great day and I'm in a dece mood. I know someone (^^^) has been looking out for me. Thank you.


I'm getting ready to go to sleep already, but I have a challenge for you: go buy some stickers and give them to people in your classes. It feels really good.

Dear Mom.

I don't know if you'll read this anytime soon, but this is the best way that I can explain myself to you.


Amanda came up to my room tonight and told me about this morning. I am guilty.
First of all, its not specifically that I don't want you around, but I feel like you are good in small doses. I really love having you there Saturday afternoons and I am very grateful that you work so hard for all the kids. To be honest, I feel like you wouldn't like being there all the time. You have enough going on and I can only imagine how being around obnoxious teenagers and constant questioning and stress would affect your mood. I was out of line when I said that I don't want you at the cast party. The more I think about it, I don't think it would be that bad. I guess, like everything else in my life, I like having things to myself. Ever since Amanda got into show biz, I've wanted something that was MY thing and for a while it was ballet. Like church, and the musical, and student council. It's hard for me to share credit when I rarely feel like I get any.
I think a big thing that affects how I treat others is my concerns about your trust in me and the pressure on me. I know I've tried to talk to you about this before. Let's take a look: I am part of the 10% at my school who don't swear, have sex, drink, smoke, do drugs, or make bad decisions in general. I have taken a total of 4 AP classes and my GPA is above 3.7. I'm on the swim team, student council, class government, national honor society, tutoring, peer ministry, and the musical. I feel like you don't realize how TOUGH that is on me?!?!? Yes it is all a choice, but I feel like every move I make you are judging me. I just feel like you are never proud of me.
I am so grateful that you take me everywhere and are involved with my things, but you always act like it's a chore and that you wish I would just sit around and do homework all day. But then if I get a C on a test or forget to clean my room, you make such a big deal out of it. How am I supposed to excel if I feel like I can never fail? For so long I hated having friend over or going anywhere because you always gave me the impression that you hated it.
None of this is making any sense...

I do appreciate you mom, more than you know, but sometimes I think the "feeling unappreciated" is mutual. You feel unappreciated because I'm not the kind of person Amanda is and I don't straight out confess my love. I think you know me well enough that I am introverted and just because I don't say it doesn't mean it's not there. I don't always watch what I say either.
On the other hand, I feel unappreciated because everything that you should be happy for me about is but a chore.

I'm sorry that I am overcommited.

The best part of my week was showing you the picture of my finished clock. Because I knew that I had done something worth being proud of.

I do all of the things I do to try and make you happy... every time I join something new I hope it makes you proud, but it doesn't always feel that way.

And it's not just you either... I don't feel appreciated or "wanted" by anyone lately. Not even Tracy.
My days have been kind of rough :( I know I've taken my frustration out on you.


Mom, I'm so sorry that it has come to this. I love you.


Thank you thank you thank you for just being there when I need you and sticking through my crap. Thank you for having enough faith in me to keep going.
Maybe why I have such a problem with people in my life because I don't want to be pushed away... For example, just when I think my B in AP Calc is good, Amanda comes home with an A.

I am not the same as Amanda, but just because I don't express things the way she does, doesn't mean they are not there. I'm sorry that I don't always do the right things. I'm sorry that it's not always easy for me to express my feelings....

I have been very rude and my actions have been unnecessary. I should respect you more no matter the circumstances. I'm sorry that I have failed you.

Please forgive me for everything that I have said or done. I want to work harder to improve our relationship but it may take a while. I'm sorry for everything and I am completely ashamed.

Bop bop ba ba bah ba

I don't have much time to write, homework to attend to.

Opening weekend when very well! We all did great.

I hope that next weekend I can continue to expand my friend inventory. I feel like I haven't taken the initiative to talk to many of the cast and I would like to. I also plan on writing notes to about a dozen of them.

God is good all the time.


"Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary-- pure and holy, tried and true. With thanksgiving, I'll be a living sanctuary for you."
^^^ We sing this before each show. Best part of the pre-show routine.

This week, reach out. Not necessarily in huge ways... don't leave this part of your life with regrets and wishes to have opened up more. The only harm that can come from reaching out is being placed right back where you were. Don't be afraid.

Its been a good ride.

Last night I went to bed an hour earlier than usual and skipped out on the morning shower, hoping to up my energy... well, I don't think I have more energy, but I am in a better mood than I have been.
Tonight is our first AND last dress rehearsal. Full out, this is it. Tomorrow is opening.

I'm more nervous than anything that it will still be a mess by tomorrow at 7. And that our dances will fail, or timing will be off, or no one like it, or someone will forget their lines...


This weekend I'll be working on a project for Student Council about morals which Im pretty PSYCHED about it. I really am passionate about setting morals for yourself and following them. That's a lot of what leadership is about.


Please, if you're reading this, pray for our cast and crew and volunteers. It's been a long week already and we still have 3 more nights to go. God's power can accomplish anything.

May as well be chasing after thunder...

I have a terribly long list of things I should be doing.

I think I am beyond the point of "stressed". I don't even feel stressed out anymore, I feel like more of a zombie. Everything is routine now. It is routine for me to go to bed at 12 and wake up at 5. It is routine to spend hours on homework and sleep during class. My level of energy and effort is dropping dramatically.

At least I'm not depressed, right? I was more worried about that than anything.


Sometimes I wish people could see the expression on God's face when they act against him... All the rain and snow that falls could not measure up to the tears I'm sure God has cried for us.
Every day I try and try to influence people around me to make good choices and choose the hard thing over the wrong thing but it never seems to be enough.

I am almost emotionless at this moment, but a have a song on my mind that can sum up just a small section of the questions that fill my mind: "Should've When You Could've" Skillet

Got Jesus?

A friend of mine came up to me today and asked if I had slipped a piece of paper in their locker... I said no. It made me both curious and afraid as to what it was they thought I had done.
I later went up to them and asked about it. Someone had slipped a piece of paper with "Got Jesus?" on it in their locker and they thought it was me...

What do you want to be remembered for? As weird as it is, I am flattered that my friend thought it was me that did that. I hope it means I am giving God some glory. I hope that when I die or leave high school, people don't remember me as a convenient Catholic, but as a strong devoted Catholic who lives to please God and bring others to him.


Patience is very important for me this week. All of us must not only be patient with God but the people and circumstances around us. It will all be worth it in the end.


I hope you had a great Monday and that you continue to give greatly.

Consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for your name.

So guess what? Found my camera today. I was pulling into the Wendy's drive through, searching my pockets for cash, and would you guess? My favorite possession was in my coat pocket. I haven't worn that coat since the day I "lost" my camera.

I would say over the last couple days I have been like "OK God, I'm not going to worry about it"... and I haven't. Yes I've been upset but I don't think you could classify my thoughts with worry. That's pretty good, isn't it?

Once again Prince Charming has saved the day. Thank you Jesus for saving me yet another time, forgive me for my doubt.


During these times of struggle in Haiti it's important to ask ourselves these questions:

Does our generosity come out of greed?
Do we give to charities just to cause a reaction?
Do we do things for others out of want for attention?

I'm pretty speechless about that. Sometimes we "think" that we do things out of pure desire to help, but we are in fact humans and there are always other things that justify our actions.

Give greatly this week.

I'm running the race but it seems too hard to win...

Ugh. What do you do when you know you're supposed to trust God and you try to trust God that everything will go right and you'll be happy again, but on the other hand, you know there's a chance it won't.

Well, for your information, that's the devil standing on your shoulder -telling- you that you should go out and do drugs because your life is ruined and you're better off being a mean person... but WHAT about the angel on your other shoulder saying, it's gonna be OK but that doesn't mean it's not going to suck.

I have currently misplaced, no, LOST my camera. My brand new, stunning, beautiful Canon camera. I cannot find it anywhere and I just got it a month ago.

It's not easy for me to trust when I'm pretty sure there's no hope.


Ugh.

I am so happy when I'm at musical practice, but there is no covering up of every other aspect of my life.

I'm still going to pray, hard... because that IS the only hope I have.

Relient K may be the best band in the world.

As long and annoying as my day was, I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it.
Though this post may be more personal than you would expect it to be, I hope that you still get something out of it... "you" being whoever reads this.

Today was so magical. I feel like I'm finally getting my friends back.
For the last couple weeks (or months?) I've just felt I've had a lot of "acquaintances" who I talk to and are friends with, but never really got to know or spend with time with...

Towards the end of the summer I even lost one of my very good friends, but God is slowing revealing his glory to me. I have tried my best to be patient, and now I finally see the beautiful picture ahead of me. This ex-friend and I are reuniting. :)

Sometimes I feel like the people closest to me have never understood the magnitude of the effect this "break up" had on me and my lifestyle. I honestly believe that I have changed for the better because of it, but I KNOW I am put where I am for a reason. Yay for God!

Over the past 3 long days, I've definitely become much more grateful of the people around me, especially parents and teachers.
I'm doing a project in my Student Council class about compassion and I've learned a lot. I thought I was compassionate, but I have a long way to go...


Why are we so afraid to talk to people we don't know very well? Why do we turn away or lower our head when someone we don't know well enough to judge talks to us? What is the HARM in conversation? This is very important.

Her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day.

The stress is finally getting to me. All the homework. The big research paper I have due tomorrow. Being at school for 12 hours a day. Trying to be a good leader, daughter, and friend...

I've always been quite the introvert. I'm the kind of person who likes people in small doses. I don't mind being home alone on the weekends. I've found that I like my mom better when I don't see her every hour of the day (no offense, mom). Heck, I've even grown to hate sleepovers because 1) I like my own bed, 2) I like sleeping in, 3) I don't like the awkwardness of waking up, and 4) I like being by myself.
I don't really care if I walk alone in the hallways. I like working on projects by myself. I prefer watching movies by myself. And I especially don't like having people over to my house unless we go somewhere.

Lately, being crammed backstage with dozens of loud teenagers is really getting to me. I know I can be one too, but the level of disrespect meshed with the EXTREME obnoxiousness of kids who really don't care if they have their lines memorized is draining.


I think I've been around people too much lately.

It's true. I'm busy every weekend, get home at 7 on week nights... And Sundays are filled with endless homework, church, and youth group.


I don't know how I will survive tech week next week. We have ONE week till we open and not only are we not prepared, but I am thoroughly annoyed already.


Respect has always been a big issue for me. It really pisses me off when adults get treated in a way that is completely inappropriate. And it's really too bad when a group of kids screw it up for everyone...


"Never underestimate my Jesus. You tell me that there's no hope, I'm telling you you're wrong. Never underestimate my Jesus. When the world around you crumbles, He will be strong.

Are we debating just to win an argument?

Today, I type from MY laptop.

The topic that controlled my thoughts today is one question...

What gets us up every morning?

If you asked this in a classroom or even to a friend, people may say God or friends, maybe even family. But really, deep inside, what makes us WANT to get up? What makes us happy enough to live another day?

When you think about it, we as humans never get a break. I keep looking forward to the end of high school but then I have even more mountains like college and my career looming ahead of me. I really can't imagine being an adult. Every day seems the same: wake up, work, come home, converse with your family, and do it all over again. I finally understand why adults look forward to vacations as much as they do. At least in high school we are distracted from this meaningless life by boys, school, friends, and being "cool". I wonder if the workplace is anything like school...

What do adults have to look forward to? The success of their children? More children? Most adults are married, so the entertainment of "going out" no longer exists. I guess you could look forward to a promotion, but even that doesn't satisfy emotional needs.

And after 40-50 years of endless work and labor, you get a couple years to just hang out and make up the sleep you lost.

This brings two things to mind: 1) Heaven is WHAT GETS ME UP! Because this tragic, boring, pointless life will end and we will forever live with our Creator and all his majesty (Get it?). Every day is another chance to invite more people to this party of all parties. Every day is one step closer to Jesus. 2) I think we as humans have lost track of this "motivation". Suddenly our lives have become centered around worldy, material things. It makes me throw up in my mouth a little. If only we could realize how STUPID this life is and the REASON why God has put us here! Not for enjoyment or to satisfy our "emotional needs". That's what He is here for.

Adios for now, may you wake up joy!

To be or not to be?

And here begins the revival of my blogging career.

I once was a wee blogger, about the age of 11. I blogged about doing chores, riding the bus, and going out for ice cream. As I sit in agony arised over my research paper being due in a mere 39 hours, I ponder the legitimacy of society.

When I interact with someone, a million assumptions skip through my head.

What do people think of me? Through someone else's eyes, what is special about me? It's as clear cut as sarcasm over the internet.

I have judgments about every person I meet. I even judge my best friends. How do people judge me? Are there less obvious things that people criticize me for? What stereotype do people put me in to? Am I really as weird as I imagine, or do other people think and do the same things as me?

Can it be that we are actually more alike than different?

And the big question: What is my purpose? What has the Creator intended that I pursue? What happens if I chose another path without knowing that it is not what God has planned?

As quick and spontaneous as it started, I must go.
Until then, may you scatter joy.